The Sleigh Track Investigation

Filed by Jimmy — kindergarten. PHASE 0, TEASER 4.

By kindergarten, I had begun noticing that adult-supplied data did not always survive verification. Uncle Charlie had already told me that donut centers are poison—hence why they are removed. He seemed like a reliable source at the time, and so I had been leaving a little ring around every donut hole for years. However, the skeptic in me was awakening.

That Christmas, I did not ask for a toy. I asked for a ladder. The logic was sound: if Santa’s sleigh were real, there would be tracks on the roof. Physical evidence. All I needed was access to the inspection site.

I did not get the ladder. Make of that what you will.

The donut hole audit continued.

Lesson logged: A claim is not golden until you can prove it. I have been asking for the ladder ever since.

More field reports declassified soon. —Jimmy